Chapter 120

Note in advance: This Yan Yiming is not that Yan Yiming. She is the original Lady Yan, not the female lead!
When Yan Yiming was first born, the Duke of Ding, then still a heir, frowned at the wailing infant in swaddling clothes and remarked that he had never seen such an ugly child. Upon hearing this, Lady Yan, weakened from childbirth, nearly burst into tears.
The Duke of Ding turned and saw his wife with tear-filled eyes. He immediately cursed himself for saying the wrong thing, handed the child to the wet nurse, and comforted her, “Anyway, it's a boy, what does it matter if he's ugly or not?”
It was clear that although the Duke of Ding adored his wife, he was a rough man who had no way with words.
Upon hearing this, Lady Yan felt even worse. The wet nurses nearby exchanged awkward glances before one of them whispered a reminder, “...Young Master, the young mistress gave birth to a daughter...”
For a moment, the delivery room fell into silence. The Duke of Ding, not yet twenty, stiffened under his wife's reproachful gaze and wished he could slap himself.
The elderly lady, who had been watching her son make a fool of himself, glanced at her delicate daughter-in-law, who had just given birth, and her righteous son. Then she looked at the child, truth be told, it wasn't particularly good-looking, and thought to herself that the child might take after her father. But there was nothing to be done, so she glared at her son and said, “How many newborn babies have you seen?”
The Duke of Ding failed to grasp that his mother was trying to smooth things over and instead continued trying to console his wife, “They say that children who are ugly when they're young grow up to be beautiful, while those who are too pretty as babies end up losing their looks later...”
The elderly lady choked on her breath and slapped her son, driving him out of the room.
What sin had she committed!
In any case, from the moment Yan Yiming was born, everyone in the household knew that the young mistress's daughter was not particularly pretty. Later, some maids caught a few glimpses of her, her skin was slightly reddish and a bit dark, and she was as thin as a monkey, though she did have a pair of beautiful, large eyes.
The Duke of Ding no longer dared to mention his daughter's plain looks in front of his wife. But when chatting with his mother later, he heard her say, “Although A’Ming looks a bit plain now, she has big eyes and a high nose bridge. Once she grows into her features, she's bound to be a beauty.”
The Duke of Ding thought of his stunningly beautiful wife and believed it.
As Yan Yiming grew older, her skin gradually shed its dullness and became fair and luminous, and her features began to take shape. After being away on official business for over half a year, the Duke of Ding returned to find a lively, exquisitely beautiful little girl running around the estate. For a moment, he didn't even recognize her as his own daughter.
The joke he had made years ago had now come true. His daughter grew more and more beautiful, even surpassing their expectations. Every noble lady and young miss who saw Yan Yiming was struck by her beauty, and even the Empress in the palace marveled at how exceptionally lovely the child was.
That year, Yan Yiming was thirteen.
At that budding age, though she lacked the charm of a mature woman, her delicate features and innocent, lively nature still made her endearing. While playing shuttlecock with the palace maids, she accidentally bumped into someone. A young man in brocade robes steadied her, his handsome face breaking into a smile as he said, “Whose young lady is this, so strikingly beautiful? I’ve never seen her before.”
Later, Yan Yiming grew up, her heart grew cold, and she let go of it all. When she thought back to that first meeting, she felt nothing.
But if Nan Gongxuan hadn’t praised her beauty that day, hadn’t deliberately and patiently spent time playing with her, perhaps she wouldn’t have wasted so many years in vain.
It was just the age when her heart was beginning to flutter, and a young girl's budding affection was easily stirred. After that, there was no turning back.
Falling for someone was all too easy, especially when that person had intentionally set out to make her like him, even though he had never truly cared for her.
Back then, Yan Yiming was utterly clueless. As a favored daughter of heaven and praised by all for her beauty, who could be more suited for the position of the Eastern Palace than her?
Looking back now, she realized how presumptuously confident and ignorant she had been.
She began seeking out Nan Gongxuan every day, following him around and chattering endlessly. Without any restraint, she told everyone she had feelings for the Crown Prince, even declaring that she would marry no one else in this lifetime.
Her father, who had always doted on her, grew angry for the first time and confined her to the ancestral hall for three full days to reflect. But after those three days, Yan Yiming had reflected on nothing, her mind was still filled with thoughts of Nan Gongxuan. In fact, after not seeing him for a few days, she grew even more impatient.
It was the first time the Duke of Ding felt disappointed in his daughter.
Yet, in the end, he still indulged her. Since she was so determined to marry, then marry she would.
That year, just after his daughter had come of age, the Duke’s mother entered the palace.
The Empress had long held the idea in mind, and now that the Yan family had taken the initiative, she was more than willing to go along with it. However, when she later brought it up to the Crown Prince, his expression remained indifferent. “There’s no hurry,” he said.
The Empress was somewhat uneasy, remarking that Yan Yiming was too beautiful and that delaying might lead to complications.
Nan Gongxuan gave her a reassuring look and chuckled lightly. “It won’t.”
Though half-convinced, the Empress later heard that the Yan residence was nearly overrun with suitors seeking Yan Yiming’s hand in marriage. Yet, Yan Yiming remained unmarried. The Empress finally believed it, it truly wouldn’t happen.
Her prime years were dragged on like this for two years. By then, Yan Yiming was seventeen, even more radiant and captivating, truly deserving of the title “a beauty to topple cities.” She still chased after Nan Gongxuan, addressing him only as “Your Highness,” blind to the silent disapproval of her elders and the admiration of countless talented young men.
The Duke of Ding, watching his seemingly senseless daughter, recalled how ugly Yan Yiming had been as a newborn.
If only she had remained as plain as she was back then, she wouldn’t have turned out like this.
In this muddled state, Yan Yiming squandered her best years. It wasn’t until she stumbled upon the affair between the Crown Prince and Jian Yu’er that she finally awoke from her grand delusion. She saw the tender smile Nan Gongxuan reserved for Jian Yu’er and realized for the first time that he had never smiled at her like that.
No, wait, there had been one time. When they first met, a young Nan Gongxuan had been just as patient and gentle.
But it had been so long that she could no longer clearly recall that moment.
She couldn’t understand what Jian Yu’er had that she lacked, family background, looks, or the depth of her feelings for him? Yet, Nan Gongxuan had chosen Jian Yu’er. Yan Yiming opposed Jian Yu’er at every turn, only to incur Nan Gongxuan’s increasing disdain. Heartbroken, she drank a little and, weeping, went to the Eastern Palace. Clutching his sleeve, she pleaded that she would marry him even if she couldn’t be his principal consort.
Nan Gongxuan finally turned his gaze to her face, a hint of laughter in his voice, “Really?”
She merely nodded. Later, Nan Gongxuan said that the Duke's residence would likely not agree to it. She shook her head and insisted she would make them consent. Nan Gongxuan nodded in satisfaction and, for the first time, escorted her back.
She faced her grandfather and grandmother, whose faces were livid with anger. Even her mother, who had never been angry with her before, did not come to her defense. She wept and begged her grandparents to agree, but her father, unable to bear it any longer, slapped her for the first time, leaving her stunned on the ground.
She couldn't gather her thoughts and didn't know what to say, only hearing her father's icy voice. He said, “You can afford to lose face, but the Duke's residence cannot. If you want to marry the Crown Prince, then you must renounce the protection of the Duke's residence and cease being the young lady of the household. Let's see if the Crown Prince will still take you into the Eastern Palace as a consort.”
These were the harshest words her father had ever spoken to her in her life. Even the slap moments earlier hadn't hurt as much as these words. She stared blankly at her father, then at the expressionless faces of the others, finally realizing that he wasn't joking.
Dreams are meant to be shattered.
Even though this dream had been her own doing from the very beginning.
Yan Yiming finally understood how much shame she had brought upon the Yan family over the years. She overheard the young ladies behind her gossiping, calling her shameless and saying the Yan family was unlucky to have her. Pale-faced, she hid in the shadows, afraid they would see her in such a wretched state.
The more reckless she had been before, the more humiliated she felt now.
She ran back home and hid alone behind a rarely visited rockery, curling into a ball. No one came looking for her even after a long time. Her family had grown too disappointed in her, just as the rumors outside said, such a daughter was better off not having been born.
Biting her lip, she remained silent, crying for a long time until footsteps sounded behind her. Startled, she wiped her tears and asked sharply who was there, only to meet a familiar face. It was a face somewhat younger than the Crown Prince's but equally handsome, his expression complex as he looked at her, neither pitying nor mocking, just standing there watching her.
In that moment, Yan Yiming felt utterly ashamed.
This was the young man who had once liked her, but she had ignored him. Now, she had become a laughingstock in his eyes, and the one being ignored was her.
Nan Gongye stepped closer, crouching down in front of her, and said, “No one in the capital is willing to marry you now.”
Yan Yiming turned her gaze away, hurt. Now he was here to mock her too.
She would no longer marry the Crown Prince, nor would she marry into a humble family. Yet, families of equal status would surely no longer want her. Nan Gongye said she was unmarriageable, and it was true, she truly was unmarriageable.
She cried even harder, not just because of her own marriage prospects but also because of the Yan family's reputation and the fact that she had become a joke over the years.
Nan Gongye, however, found this version of Yan Yiming somewhat novel. The once arrogant and flamboyant person had now become like this, weak, timid, and easily bullied.
He suddenly laughed.
He handed her a handkerchief and said, “I can show you a way out. Will you listen?”
“What way?” Yan Yiming lifted her head.
Nan Gongye looked at her and said word by word, “I can marry you.”
Yan Yiming's eyes widened in shock.
“I'll marry you. You can save face, and so can the Yan family,” Nan Gongye said. “But I have conditions.”
“What conditions?”
“Let go of the Crown Prince and tell him openly and honestly that you want to marry me.”
She had liked him once, that strikingly handsome appearance, that genuine, unfeigned exuberance, burning like fire in his heart. How could she not have liked him? But gradually, that affection cooled.
Yet, she could never truly let go.
At seventeen, everyone in the capital said she was too old to marry, but Nan Gongye thought it was just right. Especially now, no longer the naive and confused girl she once was, having hit rock bottom, she finally understood what she had lost.
Nan Gongye thought it was perfect.
His path would please the Duke of Ding's residence. If she still cared about the entire Yan family and hadn't lost all reason, she would never refuse.
Yan Yiming wanted to say something more, but Nan Gongye had already turned and left. Clutching the handkerchief he had just handed her, she stared blankly at the young man's tall, slender figure. After a long while, she began to cry again.
But this time was different, her beautiful eyes finally held a spark of life.
Forgetting was never easy. Yan Yiming thought it would take a very long time, but it turned out to be much simpler than she had imagined.
She couldn't remember when she stopped thinking about Nan Gongxuan day and night, and instead began to recall Nan Gongye's perpetually smiling eyes. She only remembered that once, while out with Nan Gongye, they unexpectedly ran into Nan Gongxuan and Jian Yu'er, and her heart no longer ached.
It was then that she realized the promise she had made to Nan Gongye could now be declared openly and honestly to Nan Gongxuan.
But Nan Gongye didn't let her say it. He smiled and said he already knew.
She asked him what he knew. Nan Gongye, now much taller than her, ruffled her hair and said, “Of course, I know you stopped liking him long ago.”
Yan Yiming looked into his eyes and quietly blushed.
Nan Gongxuan seemed to finally realize that the girl who had once been devoted to him was drifting further and further away. The lofty Crown Prince felt a twinge of regret and even asked her with a somewhat wounded expression if she really didn't like him anymore.
Yan Yiming took two steps back to keep her distance and answered him seriously.
Yes, she really didn't like him anymore. Then she smiled and added, “In a little while, I might have to call you 'Royal Brother.'“
Later, the Empress still opposed their marriage, but under Nan Gongye's insistence, she reluctantly gave her consent. They married and moved to Beiping together. During their walks, whenever Yan Yiming grew tired, Nan Gongye would carry her on his back and walk slowly.
“What if I still liked the Crown Prince?” Yan Yiming suddenly asked him.
“Then I'll marry another young lady and forget all about you.”
Yan Yiming leaned on his shoulder, pretending to be angry as she patted him lightly. “How could you say that?” But then she couldn't help letting out an embarrassed laugh, murmuring softly against his shoulder, “I don't even remember him anymore. Now I...”
“Now what?” Nan Gongye's voice was laced with amusement.
Yan Yiming didn't answer, only held him tighter.
Now she finally realized how wonderful he was, now she understood he was far better than that other man.
Now, she knew just how much she liked him.
Years ago, she had missed out on the most wonderful youth, but fortunately, it wasn't too late. Now, she had caught up with him again.
Their figures grew more distant, and faintly, one could hear the man's laughter and the woman's coquettish giggles.
“You promised me you wouldn't take any concubines in the future...”
“That depends on your performance.”
“What do you mean, 'depends on my performance'?”
Gradually, their voices faded away completely, yet the scent of love seemed to linger on the path.
So pure, and so sweet.