Chapter 17

Nan Gongxuan hadn’t thought in advance about what to say when he saw Yan Yiming; he only knew he wanted to see her. Now, face to face again, some words had slipped out unbidden.
Yes, it was simply that he couldn’t help himself.
Using his mother’s name as a pretext, he had lured her out of the Yan residence. After so many days of distance, seeing her again brought an unexpected surge of attachment.
Her face, her posture, the faint, elusive scent about her, and even the tone of her voice, everything was more nostalgic than he had imagined.
Nan Gongxuan’s gaze never left Yan Yiming. He didn’t miss a single trace of the shock and disbelief that flashed across her face upon hearing his words, and it suddenly put his heart at ease.
The day he learned of Yan Yiming’s intimacy with Nan Gongye, he had been unable to sleep all night. When Jian Yuyan came to the Eastern Palace the next day, he was startled and hurriedly asked what had happened. Nan Gongxuan, extremely irritated, didn’t want to speak of it, but Jian Yuyan was annoyingly perceptive and immediately guessed the crux of the matter.
“Allow me to guess, is it related to Lady Yan?”
Nan Gongxuan disliked others probing his thoughts and frowned at once. “Too much talk!”
Jian Yuyan, highly intelligent and deeply familiar with him, knew he was being stubborn and smiled. “Your Highness need not worry about this matter. No matter what outsiders say, in my view, Lady Yan’s heart still belongs only to you.”
Those words doused the fire of anger in Nan Gongxuan’s heart. His narrow eyes lifted slightly as he turned and sat at the desk. “Explain.”
“Rumors are circulating about Lady Yan and the Fifth Prince. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, so it’s likely true. I also believe it’s not false, but please hear me out, Your Highness. You dislike Lady Yan’s closeness with the Fifth Prince, but have you ever considered why she and the Fifth Prince developed such affection so quickly?”
Nan Gongxuan pondered Jian Yuyan’s words carefully, then suddenly looked up with a spark of realization and delight. “Are you saying it’s because of me?”
Jian Yuyan nodded, “Indeed. Lady Yan’s feelings for Your Highness need no further explanation from me. If she could have severed them as easily as she claimed, she wouldn’t have wasted all these years in vain. Now that Lady Yan is disheartened, and the Fifth Prince happens to appear at this moment, who, like Your Highness, is born of the Empress and bears a striking resemblance to you, how could she remain unmoved? Yet, precisely because of this, it shows that the one truly in her heart is none other than Your Highness.”
If it were anyone else, it might not matter, but if it truly was the Fifth Prince, everything made sense. Perhaps Yan Yiming had, from the very beginning, mistaken Nan Gongye for the Crown Prince.
Nan Gongxuan had never considered this possibility.
Now, hearing Jian Yuyan’s words, his heart surged with tumultuous waves.
Just as he couldn’t understand why Yan Yiming would suddenly fall for Nan Gongye, this explanation made everything clear.
Her departure and claim of giving up on him were because Yan Yiming loved him too deeply. And now, her relationship with Nan Gongye was also because of him.
Lady Yan’s heart still belonged only to him.
This thought lingered in Nan Gongxuan’s mind for a long time, and the restlessness and jealousy he had felt over the past days gradually dissipated because of it.
Indeed, if it were anyone else, it wouldn’t matter. But why, of all people, did it have to be Nan Gongye, who resembled him so closely? The more Yan Yiming appeared to favor Nan Gongye, the more it proved that the one she truly loved was him.
Jian Yuyan glanced at Nan Gongxuan, lost in thought, and a faint, inscrutable smile curled at the corners of his lips. As if suddenly remembering something, he said, “Your Highness, do you recall the day you met Lady Yan at Fuyu Mountain? That day, under your orders, I escorted Lady Yan back to her residence. Before leaving, she said something to me.”
Nan Gongxuan was slightly surprised. “What did she say?”
“Lady Yan thanked me for the pearl. I was astonished at the time, only then realizing that she had long known the pearl was from me, yet she never mentioned it to Your Highness.”
Hearing this now, Nan Gongxuan felt as if a veil had been lifted, as though he were seeing things clearly after a lifetime of confusion.
Perhaps because Yan Yiming had followed him for so long, he had forgotten that she was, in fact, an exceptionally intelligent woman. Afraid of displeasing him, she often pretended to be naive or foolish, but in reality, she understood everything.
What must have been her state of mind when she accepted that pearl? How did she feel, walking alone up Fuyu Mountain, only to see him with Jian Yu’er?
At this thought, a trace of guilt appeared on Nan Gongxuan’s handsome features. “It was I who broke her heart. And Ye’er has sworn to marry no one but her in this lifetime…”
Jian Yuyan knew that Nan Gongye was fond of Yan Yiming, but hearing this still startled him. For the Fifth Prince, a man of such stature, to vow never to take a concubine or marry a secondary consort for the sake of one woman, even the most unfeeling person would be moved by such words.
“Yuyan,” Nan Gongxuan called out to Jian Yuyan slowly, “In this life, I have never regretted anything. But now, I truly regret letting A’Ming go. I…want to bring her back.”
Jian Yuyan suppressed the flicker of delight in his eyes and looked up at Nan Gongxuan. “That is as it should be, but allow me to ask one thing: since Your Highness intends to bring Lady Yan back, what about Yu'er?”
Yu'er?
Jian Yu'er.
Nan Gongxuan felt ashamed once again.
Yu'er...
He had once wondered why he had fallen for Jian Yu'er so quickly, it was love at first sight. Perhaps it was because she embodied everything he had imagined in an ideal woman: gentle and virtuous. At times, he couldn't quite understand it himself, as if someone had been whispering in his ear, urging him to love Jian Yu'er, as though their fate had been predetermined from the start.
Back when Nan Gongye had asked him why, since he already had Jian Yu'er, he still pursued Yan Yiming, his thoughts had been clear, he simply couldn't bear to let Yan Yiming go. Yet, for some reason, he had declared that he wanted both. Looking back now, the memories he held of Jian Yu'er were not many; even the sweet moments he had once cherished could be counted on his fingers.
But Yan Yiming, this woman who had followed him for so many years, through countless days and nights, what had she done? What had she sacrificed for him? Nan Gongxuan could no longer recall clearly.
There were too many.
If he couldn't have both, Nan Gongxuan already had his answer.
He missed more the straightforward woman who had always trailed behind him, declaring she would marry him.
In the carriage at that moment, Yan Yiming seemed stunned by his words and fell silent, though her hands still struggled. Nan Gongxuan suddenly remembered the bruises she had left on her wrists from trying to break free before, and his heart ached with pity, prompting him to release her.
Yan Yiming lowered her head and quickly took a seat opposite him.
Neither spoke as the carriage traveled a considerable distance before Yan Yiming finally broke the silence. “Your Highness, where are we headed?”
Nan Gongxuan smiled faintly. “A'Ming, you've long known it wasn't my mother's wish.”
“Her Majesty the Empress likely has no desire to see me. Besides, with so many eunuchs and palace maids around, even if the Empress had issued an edict, it wouldn't necessitate Your Highness coming in person.”
She was indeed an exceptionally clever woman. Nan Gongxuan gazed at her with a soft expression, a smile curling at his lips. “Since you guessed, why didn't you expose me?”
Yan Yiming pursed her lips and chuckled lightly. “I merely didn't want to alarm others, lest the Fifth Prince misunderstand.”
Nan Gongxuan's smile vanished instantly, a frosty chill settling over his handsome features. “Afraid of Nan Gongye misunderstanding? Misunderstanding what? He isn't here, Yan Yiming. Who are you putting on this show for?”
“Why must it be for anyone? It's just that the Fifth Prince promised to marry me upon his return to the capital, and I, in turn, promised him to sever all ties with others, including you, Your Highness. From now on, we go our separate ways...” At this, she lifted her eyes to meet his gaze, her lips parting in a gentle smile as she added softly, “Perhaps before long, I'll have to address you as 'Imperial Brother.'“
As expected, Nan Gongxuan flared with anger at her words, but rather than erupt, he let out a cold laugh, his eyes fixed intently on her as he enunciated each word, “Don't even think about it.”
Ignoring Yan Yiming's furious expression, Nan Gongxuan mocked, “Want to marry Ye'er? Do you think Mother would agree? Do you think Father would approve this marriage? A'Ming, you and Ye'er are thinking far too simply.”
Yan Yiming leaned against the carriage wall, expressionless. “So then, what exactly does Your Highness mean?”
Nan Gongxuan leaned forward, closing the distance between them, and whispered, “So, marrying me is your only correct destiny.”
Little A began frantically warning that Nan Gongxuan's favorability was skyrocketing. Yan Yiming glanced at him impassively and signaled Little A to be quiet. She lowered her voice as if utterly exhausted, “Your Highness already has Miss Jian, so why must you press me like this? You know full well that only one can remain between the Duke of Ding's estate and the Chancellor's residence. Could it be that you would abandon Miss Jian and promise me the position of Crown Princess? You won't.” At this, Yan Yiming revealed an extremely sweet smile, her voice softening, “But the Fifth Prince would.”
Hearing this, Nan Gongxuan laughed as if hearing a joke, sneering as if mocking Yan Yiming and Nan Gongye's naivety. “The marriage of the current Fifth Prince is not something he can decide for himself. No one but him would agree. So, A'Ming, what he promised you is nothing but an illusion.”
“Your Highness, the one who doesn't understand has always been you, not me.” Yan Yiming sighed and said slowly, “No matter how difficult it is, even if it might truly be impossible, he did think of it. But you, Your Highness, have never even considered it.”
After saying this, Yan Yiming turned her face away as if she no longer wished to speak another word to Nan Gongxuan. Exhausted, she leaned against the carriage wall and closed her eyes.
Nan Gongxuan finally understood Yan Yiming's meaning. It dawned on him that she actually understood everything; she simply didn't care. What she truly cared about was a sincere heart.
After what felt like an eternity, long enough for Yan Yiming to wonder if she had been too harsh and crushed Nan Gongxuan, she finally heard him speak softly, “I have thought about it.”
Nan Gongxuan reached out and brushed Yan Yiming's cheek, his eyes filled with unprecedented tenderness.
“I have thought about it. I have never regretted anything in my life, but after you left, I began to regret why I let you go. I, I truly missed you. Come back, A'Ming. There is no Jian Yu'er. I won't marry her. I promise you the position of Crown Princess. The position of the principal consort in the Eastern Palace belongs only to you.”
Yan Yiming abruptly looked up, her beautiful eyes instantly filled with shock.
She gazed at him, her lips parting without a word. Perhaps moved, perhaps saddened, or maybe even excited, but in the end, it all turned to illusion.
Nan Gongxuan's heart softened completely. Just as he was about to press on, the dazed woman before him gently pushed his hand away and whispered, “But it's already too late to go back.”
Nan Gongxuan's hand froze in mid-air.
“If Your Highness had said these words to me before, A’Ming would have felt no regrets in this lifetime. But these words come too late,” she said, a serene smile gracing her exquisitely beautiful face as if recalling something. “I already have someone I love.”
“Someone you love? Nan Gongye?” Nan Gongxuan could no longer contain himself, blurting out words he hadn't intended to speak. “Yan Yiming, when you look at that face so similar to Gu Chen's, are you looking at him or at me? Why must you deceive yourself like this?”
“Deceive myself?” Yan Yiming's voice grew distant. She looked up at Nan Gongxuan. “I have never deceived myself. No matter how similar they may be, all I've ever seen is Nan Gongye alone. The person who once cared only for Your Highness has long since vanished.”