Chapter 35

The last time he had discussed redeeming her was months ago, and just like now, it had been after seeing Jian Yu'er.
So even if the male leads had someone else in their hearts, Jian Yu'er's influence remained undeniable.
Her originally clear, lovely almond eyes, enhanced by makeup, now resembled alluring phoenix eyes, adding endless charm to her brows. Yan Yiming slipped out of Jian Yuyan's embrace and turned to him with a regretful expression. “But I still want to sing.”
Jian Yuyan held her hand and said, “You can sing for me.”
“If I only sing for you, then I can't be called an actress anymore,” Yan Yiming chuckled lightly, raising her eyes to ask him, “Then after you redeem me, Zi'an, will you take me back to the Chancellor's residence?”
Jian Yu’er couldn't even accept A’Ming in the Plum Garden, so how could she allow A’Ming to enter the Chancellor's residence? Jian Yuyan fell silent for a moment before replying softly, “A’Ming, the Chancellor's residence has too many rules and isn't a good place. You can choose a place you like, the estate can be registered under your name, the maids will all serve you, no one will restrict you, and I will come to see you every day.”
“How is that any different from being in the Plum Garden?” Yan Yiming's smile faded as she looked at him with clear eyes. “Zi'an, you're so clever, surely you understand what I truly want.”
She wanted a status, a recognized position.
Jian Yuyan knew it all too well.
But that was precisely what he couldn't give her.
“Someone once told me that Young Master Jian is of noble status and handsome. If I could be redeemed and follow you, even being a concubine would be a great blessing,” Yan Yiming said slowly. “Zi'an, guess what I said at that time?”
Jian Yuyan's voice was somewhat hoarse. “What?”
“I said that in this lifetime, I would rather be with an ordinary, unremarkable person than become a concubine, even if that person is you,” Yan Yiming replied, glancing at the shocked Jian Yuyan with a smile before continuing, “When I told you before that I was no longer untouched, it was because I didn't want to give you my true heart. But later, I still gave it to you. I said I would never be a concubine no matter what, but after meeting you, I thought, even if it means being a concubine, as long as it's with you, I would be willing.”
“A’Ming, it's not that I don't want to,” Jian Yuyan said bitterly. “If I could, I would even marry you with all the proper ceremonies and betrothal gifts.”
“Then why can't you?”
“You look too much like Yu'er. If others were to find out...”
“If others were to find out, it would surely damage your reputation and Miss Jian's?” Yan Yiming let out a self-mocking laugh. “Are you afraid of damaging your reputation or Miss Jian's?”
Jian Yuyan suddenly felt as if he had nowhere to hide.
Yan Yiming sat in front of the bronze mirror, slowly removing the hairpins and ornaments from her hair. Her voice was filled with sorrow and pain.
“If others were to find out, it would harm Miss Jian's reputation. But have you ever considered what reputation I would have if I were kept outside as your mistress? You only feel that Miss Jian has been wronged, but have you ever thought that the one who is truly wronged is me? Just because I am of lowly status, used to being looked down upon since childhood, used to being wronged since childhood, so you also think that it doesn't matter if I suffer a little more...”
Jian Yuyan wanted to say that it wasn't true, but he had no idea how to refute it.
From the moment he fell for Jian Yuyan, he had never cared about what others thought of him. Now, the reason he didn't want others to know was simply because Yu'er didn't like it and wasn't willing. He had wronged Yu'er; if he hadn't developed feelings, Yu'er wouldn't have to live in fear.
But as for Yan Yiming, she was an actress, and from the very beginning, she stood on unequal ground compared to Jian Yuyan.
She was already of low status, accustomed to being looked down upon. Her reputation was already tarnished, so what did it matter if it worsened? He always felt that he had given her everything, so she should be grateful and ask for nothing more.
“Those who have never been hurt can't bear even a slight scratch, while those accustomed to injury can't evoke a shred of pity even when bruised and battered,” Yan Yiming smiled bitterly, tears streaking down her cheeks, smudging her makeup. Her voice choked with sobs as she murmured, “Everyone is like this, and so are you. You're just like them, you've never truly respected me. How could I have believed your words? How could I have called you Zi'an?”
How could I have trusted you?
How could I have called you Zi'an?
The hand holding the teacup suddenly seemed unsteady.
Jian Yuyan's heart ached hysterically upon hearing Yan Yiming's words.
Their beginning had been too wretched, a wretched start, a wretched process, yet they had somehow reached an unexpectedly good ending. Jian Yuyan had been content with everything Yan Yiming brought him, but only today did he realize that no matter how beautifully the ending was embellished, the process had long been riddled with scars.
But he clearly loved her.
Apart from Jian Yu'er, he had never loved anyone so deeply.
Lately, he even felt he loved Yan Yiming more than Jian Yu'er.
Jian Yuyan suddenly felt lost. He genuinely wanted to treat her well, to truly be with her, to hear her call him Zi'an. He had kept the jade pendant Yan Yiming gave him close at all times. Though he clearly cared more for Yan Yiming, why was it always only Jian Yu'er he protected?
Outside, rain began to fall unnoticed, pattering softly. Yan Yiming's voice, mingling with the rain, remained terrifyingly clear: “Miss Jian forbids me from entering the Jian residence. Miss Jian forbids me from staying in this Plum Garden. What if one day, Miss Jian even forbids me from staying in the capital?”
Jian Yuyan's heart skipped a beat, for not long ago, Jian Yu'er had tearfully begged him to send Yan Yiming away. He spoke slowly, his voice hoarse and uncertain, “Yu'er wouldn't be so unreasonable.”
“Even if she is unreasonable, you wouldn't see it as such, just like when you inexplicably wanted me to leave the Plum Garden,” Yan Yiming laughed mockingly and continued, “I won't leave the Plum Garden. If I leave, I'll be nothing, not even an actress. I may not compare to Miss Jian in status, but I am not someone to be hidden away. If you, Young Master Jian, also think I'm unworthy of being seen, then... there's no need for you to come again...”
“A’Ming!” Jian Yuyan sharply interrupted her. How could she say such heartless words!
Yan Yiming, cut off by his shout, couldn't finish her sentence. She turned to look at him, her eyes filled with boundless despair and resentment. Clenching her fists, she bit her lip hard to keep from crying.
“You know, the more I once rejoiced in having this face, the more I detest my appearance now,” tears slid from her eyes. “If I didn't resemble her so much, I wouldn't have to deceive myself into thinking those words of yours weren't actually meant for me.”
With that, Yan Yiming seemed unable to bear it any longer and retreated behind the screen. A moment later, a young maid came out timidly and said to Jian Yuyan, “Young Master Jian, the lady says she won't be attending to you tonight. Perhaps you could go to the room next door...”
Jian Yuyan paid her no mind and stepped out of Yan Yiming's room. Outside, the rain poured down in sheets, soaking his face and clothes. After a long while, he suddenly let out a bitter laugh.
Those words were truly all meant for you.
If only it were possible, I wish you didn't look so much like Yu'er.
Yan Yiming leisurely washed the makeup off her face, then looked into the bronze mirror, dissatisfied as she tried to reduce the swelling around her eyes. Little A peeked in from outside the window and reminded her, “Jian Yuyan left without an umbrella, and it's raining.”
“Let him get drenched. He needs to sober up,” Yan Yiming didn't even move. “He can't see clearly what he truly wants in his heart, whether it's in matters of the heart or regarding the throne. Since he can't make a choice, we'll force him to have no choice but to decide.”
Little A asked curiously, “How will you force him?”
“You'll find out when the time comes,” Yan Yiming curled her lips into a smile. “By the way, do you have anything that can keep me from feeling pain?”
“Keep you from feeling pain?”
“Yes, something that would make me not feel a thing even if I were slashed by a knife.”
“You don't need that. I can just shut off your senses for you.”
“Really? That would be perfect,” Yan Yiming clicked her tongue, then glanced outside while holding a boiled egg in her hand. She called a maid over and instructed her to bring an umbrella to Jian Yuyan.
Just as Jian Yuyan was about to leave the Plum Garden, the maid finally caught up with him, saying that Yan Yiming had sent her with an umbrella.
A flicker of emotion passed through Jian Yuyan's eyes. He turned and gazed in the direction of Yan Yiming's residence for a long time before finally gripping the umbrella tightly and boarding the carriage.
Jian Yu'er had a restless night and woke up with slightly swollen eyes from crying. However, upon rising, she heard that Jian Yuyan had returned to the Jian residence last night instead of staying at the Plum Garden, and her mood instantly lifted.
“Really?”
“Truly, the young master is still at the residence.”
Overjoyed, Jian Yu'er quickly had her maids dress her up.
Why did her brother go and come back yesterday? He said he would resolve things, so did he go to the Plum Garden just to settle matters and not to stay there?
Since he's back now, does that mean everything has been resolved?
Jian Yu'er practically skipped her way to Jian Yuyan's quarters. Upon entering his room, she caught a faint scent of medicine and found Jian Yuyan looking rather unwell, his face pale.
Worried, Jian Yu'er approached him. “Brother, what's wrong?”
Jian Yuyan glanced up but didn't put down the brush in his hand. “It's nothing. I accidentally got caught in the rain last night.”
Only then did Jian Yu'er remember that it had rained the previous night. Just as a maid brought in medicine, Jian Yu'er took it and handed it to Jian Yuyan, casually remarking, “Who told you to insist on going to that Plum Garden? Since it was raining, that actress...”
She trailed off when she noticed Jian Yuyan's brows furrow. Jian Yu'er hesitated, “What's wrong?”
“She has a name.”
Jian Yu'er's eyes widened abruptly. She had thought Jian Yuyan had finally made things clear with that actress, but her brother's tone was far more irritable than yesterday. He seemed even more intolerant of anyone speaking ill of her now, leaving Yu'er struggling to accept it. “What does it matter if she has a name...” she muttered in disbelief.
“She is the one I love, Yu'er. I don’t like you calling her that.”
Yu'er stared blankly at Jian Yuyan, taking a long moment before she managed to ask uncertainly, “Brother, you said you would handle this... How do you plan to handle it?”
“I will bring her back to the estate.”
“What?”
Jian Yuyan set down his brush and looked at Yu'er seriously. “Plum Garden is too crowded and full of prying eyes. I don’t want her getting close to others, and I can’t bear to keep her outside the estate. The servants here wouldn’t dare gossip recklessly, Yu'er. So, bringing her back is the safest option.”
Yu'er never imagined that after a night of thinking, her brother would come up with such a solution. She was so shocked she didn’t know what to say, finally blurting out, “What if outsiders still find out?”
Jian Yuyan had pondered this deeply the day before, and now that he had sorted everything out, he no longer saw it as a big issue.
“Back then, it was my selfishness toward you. Even if others find out, it will only harm me, not you. Besides, the innocent have nothing to fear. And gossip isn’t as terrifying as you imagine, Yu'er. Young Master Jiang already knows and hasn’t said anything.”
Jian Yuyan had never spoken so plainly before, and Yu'er had never felt such clear despair.
She felt as if something important had truly been taken from her this time.
Something she could never get back.
Yu'er walked out of her brother’s study almost rigidly, her mind in a daze, unsure what to think or say.
She didn’t dare tell her parents. After thinking for a long time, she finally remembered Jiang Yi. Lifting her skirt to head out, she happened to run into someone from the Chancellor’s residence delivering something.
The servant at the gate asked what it was, and the maid replied crisply, “It’s a painting Young Master Jian gave to our young lady. She asked me to return it.”
At the word “young lady,” Yu'er froze. She ordered the painting brought to her and opened it. Her already pale face turned ashen with anger.
She had seen this painting before, in Jian Yuyan’s study.
Back then, she had wondered why she’d never seen the clothes in the painting and why there was a careless red dot at the corner of the eye. Now, in an instant, she understood everything.
The painting Jian Yuyan had created wasn't of her at all!
He had painted that actress instead!
No wonder Jian Yuyan refused to give her the painting. No wonder he had acted so strangely that day. Jian Yu’er trembled uncontrollably, unable to restrain herself any longer. She shoved the painting into the hands of the gatekeeper and stormed off toward the Plum Garden.
The gatekeeper stared blankly at the painting, unsure of what to make of it, and could only report the matter to Jian Yuyan.
After receiving the painting, Jian Yuyan fell into a long silence before asking the servant if the young lady had said anything.
“She didn't say a word,” the servant replied. Noticing Jian Yuyan frowning as he examined the painting, the servant worried it might have been accidentally damaged and quickly explained, “Earlier, the young lady asked to see the painting. After looking at it, she threw it to the ground in a rage. Perhaps it was damaged then...”
Jian Yuyan looked up abruptly. “Where is Yu’er now?”
“I don't know... She got into a carriage and headed east.”
The brush in his hand fell onto the pristine white paper, leaving a blotchy stain. Ignoring his own frailty, Jian Yuyan strode out of his study and hurried toward the Plum Garden.
“What if Miss Jian forbids me from staying in the capital?”
“Yu’er is not so unreasonable.”
His conversation with Yan Yiming from the previous day echoed in his ears, but now, Jian Yuyan couldn't be so sure. He moved with unprecedented haste, his heart racing.
As he crossed the long street and entered the Plum Garden, he arrived just as Yan Yiming, who had been waiting for Jian Yu’er for some time, stood face to face with her.
Seeing that face again, the striking resemblance still left Jian Yu’er in disbelief. But when she took in the room filled with traces of Jian Yuyan, she lost all reason.
She offered Yan Yiming riches and more, as long as she would leave the capital.
Yan Yiming lifted her gaze and smiled. “I won't leave.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love him,” Yan Yiming said, her eyes fixed on Jian Yu’er's. “What is wealth compared to Zi'an?”
“You... what did you call him?” Jian Yu’er's fingers trembled.
“Zi'an. He asked me to call him that.”
Zi'an was Jian Yuyan's courtesy name. He had allowed her to call him Zi'an? Provoked by Yan Yiming's deliberate words, a wave of fury overwhelmed Jian Yu’er. Just as Jian Yuyan stepped into the courtyard, he heard her sharp cry, “How dare you!”
“You'll ruin him,” Jian Yu’er said, her voice shaking. “He will marry, he will wed a noble lady from a prominent family in the capital. You will cost him a good match. If others see you, you'll bring him shame and scorn. You should never have appeared before him. That face of yours should never have...”
Suddenly, Jian Yu’er screamed. A chill shot through Jian Yuyan's heart as he rushed forward. The moment he stepped inside, he saw the scene before him.
For the first time in his life, Jian Yuyan lost all composure.
Yan Yiming held a hairpin in her hand. The once-beautiful cheek was now torn open by the sharp golden pin. Blood trickled down her face, staining the snow-white skin, until all that remained was a blinding, vivid red.
“Now, it no longer resembles her.”