Chapter 68

Shao Jingyu lay on the couch, his eyes wide open as he stared at the tent ceiling. When had he first noticed his feelings for Yan Yiming had changed?
It was probably that day when he was cornered in a desperate situation, and she came to his rescue. With a single long blade, she saved everyone from peril. Her words, “I have not failed my duty,” and her blood-streaked face under the setting sun were breathtakingly beautiful. Shao Jingyu remembered the surge of excitement when he pulled her into an embrace, and now, looking back, he realized the signs had been there all along.
From that moment on, everything seemed to slowly take on a different flavor.
Even the memory of Yan Yiming injuring her ankle, which he now recalled, was tinged with countless pangs of tenderness.
Shao Jingyu had liked others before, and still did. There was the little sister he had grown up playing with, Jian Yu'er, the daughter of Chancellor Jian, a gentle, pure, and lovely girl.
They were well-matched in status and shared a bond since childhood. As they grew older and began to understand the meaning of emotions, amidst a field of blooming wildflowers, he left a light kiss on Jian Yu'er’s lips. Her face flushed crimson as she covered it and fled. Shao Jingyu touched his own lips, chuckling softly as he watched her retreating figure.
The sweet fragrance of flowers, it was exactly as he had imagined.
Later, he finally persuaded his grandparents, donned military attire, and headed for the battlefield. A year passed in the blink of an eye, and he had shed the immaturity of his youth. From the boy everyone dismissed as frivolous and unfocused, he had risen to the rank of a second-grade general. It was only then that he realized he hadn’t opened the letters from Jian Yu'er, letters he had read countless times before, in a long while. The gentle, delicate face of Jian Yu'er that used to linger in his thoughts before sleep was gradually replaced by a pair of icy, sharp eyes, the red mole at the corner of which seemed to imprint itself on his heart, forever altering its form.
That was Yan Yiming.
It was the day after a great battle, a narrow escape from death. Shao Jingyu still remembered the sensation of his fingers brushing against Yan Yiming’s long eyelashes, softer and more playful than her cold, rigid demeanor suggested.
That night, Yan Yiming’s figure lingered in his dreams for a long time. When he woke the next day and saw her again, taking the cloak she handed him, Shao Jingyu felt the lingering warmth on the fabric and was struck by an overwhelming, earth-shattering shyness.
The life-and-death experiences on the edge of a blade left the most vivid imprints. The innocent infatuation of his youth had been sweet and captivating, but now, it was gradually fading under the harsh winds and sands of the northern wilderness.
In his spare moments, Shao Jingyu had wondered: if that was the case, what was the difference between Yan Yiming and Jian Yu'er? It wasn’t until he fought side by side with Yan Yiming once more that he understood: his feelings for Jian Yu'er were born of lifelong affection and care, but for Yan Yiming, beyond tenderness, he felt admiration, appreciation, and longing.
What stirred his heart was the budding love of his youth, but the one who truly entered his heart was the figure now standing by his side.
Compared to Yiming, his feelings for Yu'er back then seemed far too shallow.
He had never been one to evade or retreat. When he realized his unusual feelings for Yan Yiming, he would often ponder whether these emotions were just an illusion. He even sought closer interactions to discern how Yan Yiming differed from Yun Xiao or Jian Yu'er in his heart.
She was a comrade, yet different from Yun Xiao; he was captivated, yet it was not the same as with Jian Yu'er.
He felt somewhat confused, yet clearly acknowledged that during his free moments, it was Yan Yiming who occupied his thoughts more often, not Jian Yu'er, and certainly not Yun Xiao.
Shao Jingyu did not believe he had developed a preference for men. In his heart, Yan Yiming was his most trusted and admired friend. However, her delicate, exquisite features, her slender and petite frame, and even her skill in needlework and other such details increasingly blurred the lines of her gender.
When he couldn't convince himself, Shao Jingyu could only sigh helplessly, it wasn't his fault, but rather, Yiming was simply too unique.
He discovered it quickly, accepted it quickly, and made his decision just as swiftly.
He earnestly wrote a letter and sent it to Jian Yu'er, who was far away in Jinling. The promise he had once made to wait for her seemed destined to be broken; he no longer wanted Jian Yu'er to wait, because he now had someone he truly wished to wait for.
Shao Jingyu did not avoid his mistake, nor did he conceal it in the slightest. If Jian Yu'er were to resent him in the future, he would do everything in his power to make amends.
After finishing the letter and sending it off, Shao Jingyu felt as though a weight had been lifted from his heart, allowing him to focus on the present situation.
Given that his feelings had emerged so suddenly and unexpectedly, even after making his decision, Shao Jingyu intended to first gauge Yan Yiming's thoughts. However, Yan Yiming's sudden concern for Nan Gongye that day had left him somewhat uneasy.
Reflecting on it now, Yan Yiming never bathed with other men, and there were signs like her saying she didn't want to marry. Shao Jingyu lay awake until the early hours of the morning, listening to Yan Yiming's soft breathing not far away.
Shao Jingyu threw off the covers, slipped on his boots, and crept to Yan Yiming's bedside, crouching there and staring intently at her.
Little A was startled by Shao Jingyu's late-night antics and, having no other choice, finally woke Yan Yiming from her slumber.
The moment Yan Yiming opened her eyes, she met a pair of dark pupils in the darkness. Despite her usual courage, she was taken aback. “You... General, what are you doing here?”
Shao Jingyu, caught in the act, showed no embarrassment. Perhaps his face flushed in the dark, but no one could see. Hearing her question, he glanced at her gloomily and hesitantly spoke, “Yiming, are you...”
“Am I what?”
“...Do you not like women, and that's why you don't want to marry?”
Yan Yiming was stunned. The two stared at each other in the darkness for a long moment. Just as Shao Jingyu was about to lose his nerve and retreat to bed, Yan Yiming suddenly laughed and said, “Yes.”
Shao Jingyu: ???!!!
That’s not it!!!
“But I don’t fancy men either,” Yan Yiming added. “General, rest assured.”
Rest assured? Rest assured of what? Hearing this, he felt even more uneasy. With a sudden turn of thought, Shao Jingyu was once again dumbfounded.
If he didn’t like women and didn’t fancy men, did that mean he didn’t like either men or women? Then what on earth did Yan Yiming like?
Little A was laughing so hard her stomach hurt. Not liking women and not fancying men meant Yan Yiming was a woman! But this truth was so unbelievable that it was no wonder Shao Jingyu couldn’t figure it out no matter what.
However, since Shao Jingyu could ask such a question, it seemed his feelings for Yan Yiming were no longer just brotherly affection. Perhaps soon, this conquest would come to a “satisfactory” conclusion.
Shao Jingyu couldn’t grasp the meaning behind Yan Yiming’s words. Even with the wildest imagination, he considered the possibility that Yan Yiming might dislike everyone due to the tragic massacre of his family, but he never guessed the truth.
The next day, he secretly ordered Yun Xiao to investigate everything about Yan Yiming’s past. Unexpectedly, Yun Xiao left in high spirits but returned with a grim expression.
When Shao Jingyu asked what had happened, Yun Xiao whispered the details to him, and Shao Jingyu, too, was suddenly overwhelmed with uncontrollable rage.
Yun Xiao had learned that because of Yan Yiming’s striking appearance, he had nearly been “violated” by many men in the military camp. The word “violated” was spoken lightly, but Shao Jingyu understood all too well what it meant.
Fortunately, someone had saved him.
“Those beasts!”
Shao Jingyu’s fury made his chest ache. Just the thought of it was enough to burn away his reason. However, the matter needed to be kept confidential. He ordered Yun Xiao to summon the centurion who had saved Yan Yiming and questioned him thoroughly. Afterward, he promoted the centurion, who expressed endless gratitude before leaving.
Yun Little Asked if they should investigate who exactly had tried to violate Yan Yiming.
A terrifying ferocity flashed in Shao Jingyu’s eyes. “Of course we must investigate.”
“And once we find them, how should we deal with them?”
“Throw them to the wolves.”
Yun Xiao shuddered inwardly, glanced at Shao Jingyu, and quietly agreed before leaving. Shao Jingyu slowly drew his sharp blade. The cold, silver edge reflected his eyes, which were as sharp and merciless as the blade itself.
After a long while, he sheathed the sword again, stepped out of the tent, and put on his usual smile as he went to find Nan Gongye, who was still in the camp.
Shao Jingyu didn’t ask directly, but Nan Gongye could sense his probing. Smiling, he asked straightforwardly, “Do you want to know what Commandant Yan said the other day?”
Nan Gongye was blunt, and Shao Jingyu didn’t hesitate to admit it openly.
However, Nan Gongye avoided answering directly. Recalling Yan Yiming’s words from the other day, he asked teasingly, “Why are you so concerned about a subordinate?”
Shao Jingyu plucked the dogtail grass from his mouth and tapped it on Nan Gongye’s arm. “I asked you first, Your Highness.”
“But I promised Commandant Yan I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Nan Gongye said, snatching the dogtail grass and tossing it aside. “So, no comment.”
Shao Jingyu casually picked another blade of grass. “Then I have no comment either.”
Nan Gongye chuckled lightly and didn’t press further. Looking up at the clear blue sky, he spotted Yan Yiming walking toward them from a distance. Standing up, he said to Shao Jingyu, “I can’t tell you what he said, but I can tell you that what he seeks is related to you.”
Shao Jingyu looked up in surprise.
“So be sure to treat him well,” Nan Gongye said. “After staying for several days, it's time to return. When you pass through Beiping on your way back to the capital, remember to stop by the prince's residence for a cup of tea.”
“...Of course,” Shao Jingyu replied, also getting up.
Nan Gongye left with ease, and when Yan Yiming went to see him off, Shao Jingyu did not stop her.
What Yan Yiming and Nan Gongye had discussed no longer piqued his curiosity. Yun Xiao mentioned that the few who had bullied Yan Yiming had all died due to various incidents. After a moment of silence, Shao Jingyu and Yun Xiao chose not to bring it up again.
They could guess why those people had died, but since it was in the past, there was no need to mention it. However, from then on, Yun Xiao couldn't help but feel a chill every time he saw Yan Yiming, while Shao Jingyu treated her even better than before.
Or perhaps, he became even more shameless.
He grinned and asked Yan Yiming, who happened to come in, to help him with a drawing. Only then did he notice she seemed to be holding something and asked, “What's that?”
“A letter.”
“Whose letter?” Shao Jingyu asked casually.
“A letter from Jinling,” Yan Yiming waved the envelope meaningfully and glanced at Shao Jingyu, saying leisurely, “I don't know who wrote it, but the handwriting is elegant, and it's addressed to 'Brother Jingyu.'“
Shao Jingyu: ...