Chapter 8

After clutching that bundle of psychiatric hospital materials and thinking about it half the night, Qiao Zhenzhen finally understood why Chi Shen had done it. Near one in the morning she let out a cold laugh, flipped off the light, and went to sleep.
Probably from being too worked up, she fell asleep and immediately had a dream. In it she lay on the sofa, pouring her heart out to Chi Shen, and for every sentence she uttered he threw a psychiatric manual at her. She spoke for what felt like hours; he threw manuals for just as long, until they buried her. Her chest grew heavier, her breaths shallower, she was suffocating.
Just as she was about to pass out, her survival instinct jerked her awake. After a few deep breaths she realized the folders she’d left by the pillow the day before had somehow ended up on top of her, while the blanket that should have been covering her had fallen to the floor.
…No wonder she’d felt suffocated, between the cool air and the papers acting like a blanket. Qiao Zhenzhen was inexplicably irritated and quietly added another mark against Chi Shen. She steadied herself, then slowly washed up and went downstairs.
“You’re up, come eat breakfast,” Qin Jing called from the living room, sipping coffee. It was a casual greeting until she noticed the dark circles under Qiao Zhenzhen’s eyes. “Did you stay up late last night?”
Qiao Zhenzhen yawned. “Mm, a bit of insomnia.”
“Insomnia or were you gaming and binge-watching?” Qin Jing scolded. “You’re in your final year, college entrance exams are coming. Can you study properly?”
Qiao Zhenzhen drooped a little. “I want to study, but I can’t understand the teachers.”
“You didn’t study for the past two years, of course you can’t understand. When are you going to make things easier for me?” Qin Jing’s face hardened at once.
“I’ll study properly from now on,” Qiao Zhenzhen promised.
Qin Jing snorted. “Do you think I believe that?”
Qiao Zhenzhen pouted and looked up at her with wide, pleading eyes, as pitiful as a malnourished kitten.
“…What are you staring at? Eat quickly. At least one of school and your health has to be okay, right?” Qin Jing shot her a look.
That cheered Qiao Zhenzhen. She finished breakfast with Qin Jing and grabbed two slices of pizza to go.
She lingered over breakfast a bit too long and arrived at school late. Only a handful of students remained at the gate, one of them Chi Shen, standing in the corner waiting.
The sight of him brought the nightmare’s fear rushing back. She walked over with a blank expression and shoved the pizza box at him. “Here!”
Chi Shen took it silently and began to eat in front of her. He didn’t like sweet-and-salty flavors and couldn’t stand the texture of cheese, but in her presence he obediently took bite after bite.
[Affection +5, Current 90 points]
Qiao Zhenzhen kept a stern face until he finished, then suddenly said, “I’m not sick.”
Chi Shen’s hand tightened around the leftover wrapper. His thin lips pressed into a line and his gaze dropped to the ground; he had no intention of meeting her eyes.
Seeing him avoid her like that, she laughed in exasperation. “I’m not crazy either. I’m nice to you because I want to be, because I want to be your friend. So what about you? What do you think?”
Chi Shen’s answer was to take a silent step back.
“Chi Shen!” she ground out.
At last Chi Shen looked her in the eye. After staring for a long moment, his face went even paler.
The morning reading bell rang. Vendors at the gate began packing up. A security guard grabbed the iron lock to shut the gate and, seeing them lingering, shouted, “Hey, you two students, what class are you from? Why aren’t you going in?!”
Qiao Zhenzhen stood her ground, expression set as she faced off with Chi Shen. Before, she’d hesitated because she thought he was mentally ill and didn’t want to push him into an episode. Now that she knew he wasn’t sick, she couldn’t let him off the hook, she had to clear up the misunderstanding.
She was kind to him not because she had multiple personalities or some disorder, but because she genuinely wanted to be kind, wanted to protect him. She needed him to understand that.
Chi Shen parted his thin lips, inhaled shakily, and when he spoke his voice was even rougher and harsher: “You should go to the hospital.”
Qiao Zhenzhen: “…”
After a brief silence, realizing Chi Shen’s conviction wouldn’t be swayed, she had no more tricks left. She gave him a long look and turned toward the school. Watching her walk away, Chi Shen’s churning stomach finally overwhelmed him. He bent over and vomited onto the ground.
Wave after wave of nausea emptied his stomach. In the end there was nothing left but a little clear fluid. He stared at the mess at his feet, his fingertips trembling.
Qiao Zhenzhen walked quickly and didn’t notice the commotion behind her until she was almost at the teaching building; then she turned and saw no sign of Chi Shen. She hurried back and, after a moment, breathed a sigh of relief when he appeared, only to notice his complexion had worsened. Where he had been merely pale before, now a faint bluish tinge showed beneath his skin.
...Did I really scare him that badly?
Qiao Zhenzhen immediately regretted it; she felt she'd acted too hastily. She wanted to step forward and explain, but the thought that her approach would only make him more anxious stopped her in her tracks. She steeled herself, turned, and went upstairs.
Chi Shen followed silently behind. Her hesitation and her resolve were plain to him; he showed no visible emotion, only walked quietly at her heels.
The two of them entered the classroom one after the other. Zhao Lianqiao saw it and burned with secret resentment; she kept a stiff face, opened her textbook, but couldn't concentrate on a single word.
Qiao Zhenzhen ignored her as usual. Once at her seat she began to think about what to do next. Keeping things as they were seemed acceptable, but she couldn't let him trail behind her forever.
Chi Shen was a person with a long life ahead of him. He needed to learn how to make friends normally and how to express his feelings, not spend his whole life cowering in the shadows like a mushroom.
What should she do? Qiao propped her chin on her hand and pondered; after an entire class she finally came up with a plan.
That noon she ate with Chi Shen and then asked to be excused, only returning for evening study. Over the next few days she kept taking leave, mornings one day, afternoons the next, barely attending class for a whole week. No matter when she was absent, she always returned around meal times to supervise Chi Shen's eating.
Chi Shen tried to follow her like before, but she always took leave during class and sometimes skipped school entirely. She left each time without warning and always when he had something to do, and slowly he realized she was deliberately avoiding him.
Fine, that was normal. Chi Shen looked at the once-empty seat and felt his heart ache as if it had been crushed.
Qiao Zhenzhen's disappearances sparked a little gossip in class; everyone guessed she was preparing to go abroad and was taking leave for interviews.
"Lianqiao, you're Qiao Zhenzhen's best friend, do you know where she's been lately?" someone asked Zhao Lianqiao, eager for gossip.
Zhao Lianqiao glanced at him and said, "Whatever it is, it's not her going abroad."
"How do you know?" the other asked, curious.
Because Qiao Jian went to see Zhao Ying every day and never mentioned Qiao Zhenzhen going abroad, Zhao Lianqiao snapped, "Anyway, she's not going abroad. I don't know anything else."
She wanted more than anyone to know why Qiao Zhenzhen was taking leave, but there was nothing to go on, she had no clue and that sense of losing control felt awful.
"You don't know either? She sure is keeping it tight," the other grew more curious. He turned and saw Chi Shen in the corner; his eyes lit up. "Do you think he knows?"
Zhao idly followed his gaze and, seeing Chi Shen, grew impatient. "How should I know? If you want to know, go ask him."
"...I was just gossiping with you, why are you so worked up?" the other said, speechless, and turned to chat with someone else.
Zhao Lianqiao was usually easygoing in class, but she'd never lost control like this before, leaving one person standing alone. She bit her lip, shot Chi Shen a glare, and put this onto his tab.
She had to think of a way to get rid of this thorn in her side as soon as possible.
When Qiao Zhenzhen came out of the last psychiatric clinic she felt refreshed. It was already seven in the evening; if she rushed back to school she wouldn't make it in time to eat dinner with Chi Shen, so she skipped evening study and went straight home.
When she arrived, Qin Jing was doing yoga and looked up in surprise. "School isn't out yet, why are you home?"
"I wasn't feeling well, so I came back early," Qiao Zhenzhen said, forcing a cough.
Qin Jing shot her a look. "Stop pretending. If you don't want to go to school, just say so, don't give me these roundabout excuses."
Qiao Zhenzhen gave a little laugh and hurried to her room to rest.
She skipped evening study and was asleep before nine, waking only after six the next morning. The first thing she did was check her bag to make sure everything was there, then she headed for school and went straight to look for Chi Shen.
But after searching around she couldn't find any sign of him.
Qiao Zhenzhen suddenly felt uneasy. After checking several times and confirming he wasn't anywhere, she frowned and hurried toward the school building.
A nagging unease grew in her chest and she quickened her pace, finally breaking into a jog. A few meters from the classroom she heard Zhao Lianqiao shouting,
"I've always known you were a pervert, but I never thought you'd be this disgusting! You're sick!"
Without thinking Qiao Zhenzhen burst into the classroom. Most of the students were there, packed three or four rows deep around the rear corner. In the center, Qian You's two friends were holding Chi Shen like prisoners, while Zhao Lianqiao jabbed a finger at his nose and berated him.
Anger flared hot in Qiao Zhenzhen's head and she demanded sharply, "What are you doing?!"
The moment she spoke, everyone turned toward her. The crowd made a path, and when she stepped into the circle they closed ranks again.
Zhao Lianqiao, seeing her, hurriedly handed the item she held over. "Look, isn't this yours?"
Qiao Zhenzhen's face went dark. She looked down and saw a half-open pack of sanitary pads. It was a niche foreign brand with no stores here and an expensive price tag. She was allergic to most brands; this one had been carefully chosen by Qin Jing after many tries and bought for her whenever she traveled abroad. She was probably the only person at the school who used them.
Seeing Qiao say nothing, Zhao smirked and glanced at Chi Shen. "Last night after school I saw him sneaking around your desk. I didn't know what he was doing, so after he left I went through his drawer, and I found this."
"That's so perverted, stealing girls' sanitary pads," a girl in the crowd whispered. "Now I feel sorry for Qiao Zhenzhen."
"Seriously, it's terrible to be targeted by a pervert."
The pack of pads grew tighter in Qiao Zhenzhen's hand until the soft wrapper began to crumple. Chi Shen kept his head down, his eyes hidden beneath a fringe of dark, slightly wavy hair, silent and still as if he were already dead.
But his fingers were clearly trembling.